Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tuesday Funnies

Thanks to a friend for sending these - they are funny!! - FT

I have kleptomania,but when it gets bad,I take something for it.
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FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.

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Heaven is Where:

The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.
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Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
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My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

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In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
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I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
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I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
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Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
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In Memoriam: With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
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I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
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When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred".
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Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
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I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
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Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
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I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for good clean jokes! Youve made my day!

    ReplyDelete